Sunday, September 13, 2015
Name: JEI @ JEIZONE
From: Subang Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia
About me: Centralized Online Help for those who FACING DIFFICULTIES in LIFE & Seeking for ADVICE FACING DIFFICULTIES in LIFE...! FAMILY FRIEND’S LOVE @ RELATIONSHIP, Looking for a JOB or Better Offer & MORE If u think that u are facing any of these problems above…All u have to do is just drop me a mail or add me in ur msn at this ID :---> wipeurtears@hotmail.com If u are looking for job just drop ur latest updated RESUME at the email above. We are here to wipe your tears :- It is better to have dreamt than to have not dreamt at all…to all u Aspiring YOURSELF ~ put ur Mind, Body & SOUL into ur dreams, & u will be able to achieve anything…!& once u achieve this, never be afraid to share what u have learned. “That’s what I been Practising” When someone is in ur life for a REASON. . .It is usually to meet a need u have expressed. They have come to assist u through a Difficulty, to provide u with Guidance and Support, to Aid u Physically, Emotionally, or Spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason u need them to be...!!!“That’s me…So I'm here to wipeurtears...!”"
This is the exact moment to change the Indian radio industry and JEIFM is ready to take on that challenge as the first station to open the minds of our listeners with great production, hot music and a new, strong urban format that will revolutionize the way people listen to radio.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Love as Thought is Peace - Haven't those with food, clothing and shelter dont face any problem? Are they happy and content? Do they have peace? No, the satisfaction derived from food, clothing, shelter, money etc. is only temporary, or limited to the physical plane. It does not solve man's basic uneasiness – there is lack of peace of mind. If you have that peace, you can live without physical pleasures. Desire and selfishness are the fundamental cause of all problems. When desires are limited, the mind becomes lighter; it attains peace. When you achieve mental and spiritual peace, physical peace will automatically follow.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
What is hard to let go in life:
Your Ego :
Most of the shadows of your life
Are caused by standing in your
Own sunshine.
The “GO” in Ego is meant to let it go.
Your Fears :
Fear is False Evidence Appearing real.
Don’t allow your fears to grow bigger
than your faith.
When you fear you will suffer,
You already suffer what you fear.
Your Past :
Don’t live your past.
Past gives you memories,
Experience and expectations.
It may make you clever but not clear.
Your Worries :
Worry is the interest paid on trouble
before it becomes due.
Real difficulties can be overcome.
But imaginary ones create worries.
Let GO and Let GOD handle it.
Saturday, November 01, 2014
Why Do So Many Marriages End in Divorce?
When a couple get married they intend it to be 'happy ever after'. I don't believe anyone goes into marriage intending to get divorced. However, I do think there arefive major reasons why so many marriages end up in the divorce courts.
1. Selfishness: quite simply, any relationship is one of give and take. In a marriage if both partners want what is best for their partner over and above what they want for themselves then there won't be bitter arguments and conflict. It's when we insist on having our own way that problems arise.
2. Lack of Communication: when something is bothering you in your marriage then clamming up and shutting the other person out will cause that concern to fester and grow. Your imagination might run completely wild until you've worked yourself up into an angry accusing state - which will certainly lead to more arguments. If you talk about your concerns before they become massive, and if you can talk openly and honestly with each other, then most problems can be sorted out quite amicably.
3. Lack of shared values and goals: if you got married in the heat of romance and lust then you are unlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage then you are likely to be disappointed and disappointing. It's vital to discuss these sorts of issues before you decide to get married. Is this really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? While a broken engagement hurts it is far better than the hurt, acrimony and unpleasantness that could be caused by a divorce several years down the track.
4. Divorce is seen as an 'easy' answer: some people would say that divorce is far too easy these days. While it might be true that one can get divorced easily, the emotional turmoil, feelings of failure and detrimental effects on the children, make divorce anything but 'easy'.
5. Lack of love : Love plays crucial role in keeping the marriage taking the maturity process. After marriage, many people taking love for granted. Love needs to be told in many forms, it requires an art of expression. A small gift gives assurance, it speaks louder that mere words. Unlock the love in you, it's the more powerful tool in a marriage.
Life will present challenges to every marriage at some time or another. This could be interfering in-laws, a sickly child or worse. However, if you have started out with shared values and goals; if you keep the communication channels open whatever happens; and if you unselfishly consider the other person first, then you will stay married and your marriage bond will have been strengthened by the challenges you have faced together.
When a couple get married they intend it to be 'happy ever after'. I don't believe anyone goes into marriage intending to get divorced. However, I do think there arefive major reasons why so many marriages end up in the divorce courts.
1. Selfishness: quite simply, any relationship is one of give and take. In a marriage if both partners want what is best for their partner over and above what they want for themselves then there won't be bitter arguments and conflict. It's when we insist on having our own way that problems arise.
2. Lack of Communication: when something is bothering you in your marriage then clamming up and shutting the other person out will cause that concern to fester and grow. Your imagination might run completely wild until you've worked yourself up into an angry accusing state - which will certainly lead to more arguments. If you talk about your concerns before they become massive, and if you can talk openly and honestly with each other, then most problems can be sorted out quite amicably.
3. Lack of shared values and goals: if you got married in the heat of romance and lust then you are unlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage then you are likely to be disappointed and disappointing. It's vital to discuss these sorts of issues before you decide to get married. Is this really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? While a broken engagement hurts it is far better than the hurt, acrimony and unpleasantness that could be caused by a divorce several years down the track.
4. Divorce is seen as an 'easy' answer: some people would say that divorce is far too easy these days. While it might be true that one can get divorced easily, the emotional turmoil, feelings of failure and detrimental effects on the children, make divorce anything but 'easy'.
5. Lack of love : Love plays crucial role in keeping the marriage taking the maturity process. After marriage, many people taking love for granted. Love needs to be told in many forms, it requires an art of expression. A small gift gives assurance, it speaks louder that mere words. Unlock the love in you, it's the more powerful tool in a marriage.
Life will present challenges to every marriage at some time or another. This could be interfering in-laws, a sickly child or worse. However, if you have started out with shared values and goals; if you keep the communication channels open whatever happens; and if you unselfishly consider the other person first, then you will stay married and your marriage bond will have been strengthened by the challenges you have faced together.
“We have helped the helpless, so our path will be smooth and safe. We have uplifted the downtrodden, so we can avoid troubles on our path. We have busied ourselves in singing the Lord’s Glory in chorus , so we are sure of Heaven”— these are the calculations of some people who engage themselves in ‘good acts’. When such people give up their bodies, their soul reaches Chandra Loka (region of the Mind) as a Deva (angel). Residence in that Loka (region) is the reward they have secured for their good deeds in the past. When the joy emanating from the good deeds is experienced and finished, the balance of the consequences accumulated has to be suffered, and so the soul comes back to earth as a human. Therefore, one has to engage in charitable acts and attain the highest good, cleansing one’s heart in the process. Once this happens one reaches Brahma Loka (the region of Brahma) from where there is no coming back.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Divorce is not easy. In fact the majority of the time it is extremely painful. It can take a long time to recover from the damage of divorce. When a divorce occurs it is like a death in the family. So many emotions can rise to the surface. For example: anger, frustration, fear, sorrow, anguish, bitterness, hatred, and regret are just a few of the emotions that come up during and after a divorce. The person being divorced starts questioning their value as a person and as a mate. They start thinking and saying "If only I had done this..." or "I should have done this ..." or "I am not lovable" or "I'll never be happy" or "I'll always be alone".
Divorce can destroy self-esteem. Depression can sneak into the mind without knowing what is happening. The parties involved in divorce become full of guilt. They begin to question their sanity.
Understand that all of the feelings and emotions that surface are normal. Accept them instead of denying that they exist. Work through each emotion. You are not a bad person for thinking or feeling a certain way.
You are just human.
Divorce is never easy for the people involved. It can have long-term affects on any new relationships. Divorce can be a learning experience that makes you stronger and healthier emotionally. It all depends on your attitude and how you act after a divorce. Anger, sadness, depression blame, and frightened about the future are common reactions to divorce. Feelings of insecurity, betrayal, low self-esteem and disconnection can linger long after a divorce. You could go through life blaming other's for your unhappiness or you could choose to live and learn from this chapter in your life and create a new beginning. The choice is yours.
Here are some suggestions for people in the process of divorce and for those already divorced:
1. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Deal with the feelings of anger and sadness. You have a right to your own feelings. Let them out. Write about the, talk about the, scream and cry about them. Release your feelings. Take a long bath or shower and then stay in your robe all day and just be with your feelings. You have to feel to heal.
2. Understand that it takes a lot of time to recover from divorce. Healing does not happen overnight. Don't let friends or family rush you through the process. Go about your healing in your own way and at your own pace. Don't feel guilty about mourning your loss.
3. Read as much self-help material that you can. Read or listen to the same self-help book at least 6 times during a 30 day period before starting a new book. It takes that much repetition before you can actually digest and learn from the information.
4. Treat yourself often to long walks in the park, massages, movies, eating out, reading a novel, window shopping, and anything else that will make you feel pampered for an hour or so. Pamper and nurture yourself as much as possible. Do some things that you put off doing while you were married. Start taking care of yourself and your needs.
5. Seek outside help from your minister or from a counselor. Reach out to others. Let others help you through your mourning process. Talk to people that can relate and empathize.
6. Be aware of how you think and feel when you are stressed. Try to anticipate how you want to react and then do the opposite. Example: If you usually talk a lot stop and try to listen instead, if you withdraw, stop and start a conversation. It takes time to develop new behaviors. Be persistent. Stop blaming yourself or others for your unhappiness. Take responsibility for your feelings.
How can you regain a positive attitude after divorce? Try the following: Focus on the positive. Look ahead and picture a happier you. Take up new hobbies and start concentrating on happy events and create a better future through your thoughts, words and deeds. See our what you think and speak article and Letting Go of a Past Relationship
Divorce can destroy self-esteem. Depression can sneak into the mind without knowing what is happening. The parties involved in divorce become full of guilt. They begin to question their sanity.
Understand that all of the feelings and emotions that surface are normal. Accept them instead of denying that they exist. Work through each emotion. You are not a bad person for thinking or feeling a certain way.
You are just human.
Divorce is never easy for the people involved. It can have long-term affects on any new relationships. Divorce can be a learning experience that makes you stronger and healthier emotionally. It all depends on your attitude and how you act after a divorce. Anger, sadness, depression blame, and frightened about the future are common reactions to divorce. Feelings of insecurity, betrayal, low self-esteem and disconnection can linger long after a divorce. You could go through life blaming other's for your unhappiness or you could choose to live and learn from this chapter in your life and create a new beginning. The choice is yours.
Here are some suggestions for people in the process of divorce and for those already divorced:
1. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Deal with the feelings of anger and sadness. You have a right to your own feelings. Let them out. Write about the, talk about the, scream and cry about them. Release your feelings. Take a long bath or shower and then stay in your robe all day and just be with your feelings. You have to feel to heal.
2. Understand that it takes a lot of time to recover from divorce. Healing does not happen overnight. Don't let friends or family rush you through the process. Go about your healing in your own way and at your own pace. Don't feel guilty about mourning your loss.
3. Read as much self-help material that you can. Read or listen to the same self-help book at least 6 times during a 30 day period before starting a new book. It takes that much repetition before you can actually digest and learn from the information.
4. Treat yourself often to long walks in the park, massages, movies, eating out, reading a novel, window shopping, and anything else that will make you feel pampered for an hour or so. Pamper and nurture yourself as much as possible. Do some things that you put off doing while you were married. Start taking care of yourself and your needs.
5. Seek outside help from your minister or from a counselor. Reach out to others. Let others help you through your mourning process. Talk to people that can relate and empathize.
6. Be aware of how you think and feel when you are stressed. Try to anticipate how you want to react and then do the opposite. Example: If you usually talk a lot stop and try to listen instead, if you withdraw, stop and start a conversation. It takes time to develop new behaviors. Be persistent. Stop blaming yourself or others for your unhappiness. Take responsibility for your feelings.
How can you regain a positive attitude after divorce? Try the following: Focus on the positive. Look ahead and picture a happier you. Take up new hobbies and start concentrating on happy events and create a better future through your thoughts, words and deeds. See our what you think and speak article and Letting Go of a Past Relationship
Wednesday, October 08, 2014
Those who are still single may learn something from here... Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...
Woman's common question. 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.
Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
Remember this always:
'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
Monday, September 08, 2014
Love Marriage and Arrange Marriage
both has their pro's and con's . Not all love marriage is a heaven and not all is hell...
Nowadays..ppl more prone to have love marriage as nowadays youngsters fall in love so quickly. Its good to have a good love relationship before considering into marriage. As Once in love...they have the world to them. Everything seems to be wonderful but at last dont forget the fact that when ur in the dream of love u tend to forget the importance of a relationship and the way to make it to last. Its important to make ur partner feel ur love strongly. GIve them enough space and make them feel comfortable with u. After marriage..the couples should not compare how they were before the marriage. This only causes problems...Some tend to think that before the marriage (that is when they were lovers)...the partners attitude was different and after marriage it changed. Comparision like this should never happen as this causes problems only.
As for arrange Marriage..u will only know ur partner well after the marriage..There will be some likes and also dislikes...but it can be talked thru..Its sometimes thrilling to find that ur partner has the same taste as u...the love that comes from arranged marriage can be shown in many ways thru hugs, cuddles, kisses and of course at night on bed as they will be having the freedom to do it but its not that all important..the most important is love that you feel, the freedom u have with ur partner and whether u feel comfortable with them r not...TRUST is very important. I have frends who after arranged marriage go thru hell. Its very Important to talk to ur partner before the marriage and if can try to be frends before marriage. As for love marriage...this is not a problem as both parties know each other well (they assume they know well ) and wont have much trouble getting along...
Love your partner and make sure u respect them and give them full trust. Even in arranged marriage..u must get to know the person well before marrying them....to ensure u and ur partner will have a happy loving life together..Its in our hands to make our marriage to be succcessful doesnt matter either its a love marriage or arranged marriage..its WE who make it Happen and by not Blaming others for not making it successful.........Its all in our hands to make a married life successful & miserable irrespective of wether its love marriage or arranged marriage. Life is not a bed of roses...
both has their pro's and con's . Not all love marriage is a heaven and not all is hell...
Nowadays..ppl more prone to have love marriage as nowadays youngsters fall in love so quickly. Its good to have a good love relationship before considering into marriage. As Once in love...they have the world to them. Everything seems to be wonderful but at last dont forget the fact that when ur in the dream of love u tend to forget the importance of a relationship and the way to make it to last. Its important to make ur partner feel ur love strongly. GIve them enough space and make them feel comfortable with u. After marriage..the couples should not compare how they were before the marriage. This only causes problems...Some tend to think that before the marriage (that is when they were lovers)...the partners attitude was different and after marriage it changed. Comparision like this should never happen as this causes problems only.
As for arrange Marriage..u will only know ur partner well after the marriage..There will be some likes and also dislikes...but it can be talked thru..Its sometimes thrilling to find that ur partner has the same taste as u...the love that comes from arranged marriage can be shown in many ways thru hugs, cuddles, kisses and of course at night on bed as they will be having the freedom to do it but its not that all important..the most important is love that you feel, the freedom u have with ur partner and whether u feel comfortable with them r not...TRUST is very important. I have frends who after arranged marriage go thru hell. Its very Important to talk to ur partner before the marriage and if can try to be frends before marriage. As for love marriage...this is not a problem as both parties know each other well (they assume they know well ) and wont have much trouble getting along...
Love your partner and make sure u respect them and give them full trust. Even in arranged marriage..u must get to know the person well before marrying them....to ensure u and ur partner will have a happy loving life together..Its in our hands to make our marriage to be succcessful doesnt matter either its a love marriage or arranged marriage..its WE who make it Happen and by not Blaming others for not making it successful.........Its all in our hands to make a married life successful & miserable irrespective of wether its love marriage or arranged marriage. Life is not a bed of roses...
Love marriage people thinking if only they'd gone for arranged marriage & arranged marriage people thinking if only they'd loved someone before marriage could make life all the more miserable take things easy... don't close ur real eyes when in love...so that when u wake up from ur dream land u might think ur love was a real dream. to have ur dream continuing... fall in love & love the person for what he/she is & make sure u'll like him/her in reality real life.when u go for arranged marriage its almost like u were destined to be hubby & wife. so talk with each other & understand each other. no one in this earth is without flaws. every coin has its other side. take the good things & try to ignore the flaws in a way both of u can accept it guess its easy to advice or say... sure its all a matter of clicking & matter of time to adjust to each other.
In any case we've got a good tradition & a culture...love or arranged marriage... whatever be the case... relation is welcome only after marriage. we've got high moral values for which the other nation ppl envy us. though this is degrading these days...its each of our responsibility to make sure we bring glory to our good old morals & tradition.
Tuesday, July 08, 2014
It's a bit of a running joke sometimes, about the man in your life needing more "space", but in reality, it's no joke at all. Any relationship in which two people behave in an overly dependent manner can feel oppressive or smothering for either party, and indicates a need for one or both people to learn to cope apart as well as together.
A healthy relationship will always benefit from giving each other space, and never more so than when you feel that your boyfriend is champing at the bit to be "released" a little more often to just be by himself or to spend time with his mates. If you're finding it challenging to let go even though the relationship's becoming a bit too much to handle, it's a sign that now more than ever, you do need to learn to give him his space. Here are some suggestions to help you.
1) Reach a decision that it's alright to give your boyfriend space.
The sooner you accept that giving one another space is normal, healthy, and indeed necessary for a flourishing relationship, the better for the both of you. If things have been reaching breakpoint in your relationship, try letting the situation go for a while. Stop wanting to control what he's doing, and stop worrying and being frustrated about what you're not getting out of the relationship. Instead, just relax in the present moment. By letting things be, they often have a way of fixing themselves on their own.
• Realize that your boyfriend is more likely to want to break up with you if you keep breathing down his neck than if you give him the space he craves.
• Don't assume the worst when he asks for space; if he still gives signs of caring about you and wanting to see you now and then, take it at face value that he really does need space. Perhaps he's stressed from a heavy workload, or snowed under with exam studies. Try to look for the actual reasons beyond yourself.
• Trust. Trust that your love will blossom with space, rather than wither. Part of this is about examining your own motives for being with him – if it's just love, you'll unearth this trust. But if it's security, money, prestige, or some other non-love reason you're with him for, now is a good time to re-examine your purpose in the relationship.
2) Ask questions to clarify what's going on. Without appearing paranoid or overly emotional, be forthright in asking your boyfriend what he sees as being given space, and how much time he's contemplating. Is he wanting a few days or weeks now, or does he want this to be a permanent arrangement, such as having every Saturday to himself? This can help to reassure you that he has sound reasons for wanting space that don't involve breaking up with you, and it gives both of you some solid ground to work out the duration or precise times you won't be turning up in his life.
• This is a good opportunity for you to also outline the space you'd like too. Don't be bratty about it; simply think of genuine reasons what you'd like, such as Friday nights free to spend with your girlfriends!
3) Sort something out amicably. At this stage, it's vital that you don't come across as needy, petulant, or terrified of losing him. Whatever you do, do not walk off in a huff or throw a fit. Both reactions are calculated to have him retreat even further into his shell and feel justified for wanting even more space! Instead, visualize yourself as a person negotiating something that is perfectly reasonable, then go ahead and negotiate it without appearing too down.
• Don't look like you need him. It's absolutely vital that you show you're not needy, clingy, or desperate for someone else to complete you. Remind yourself that you're your own strong, confident, and independent woman. You don't need him to ensure your peace and happiness. A strong and confident woman with a sense of her own purpose in life is extremely attractive to guys, so you'll be doing both of you a favor by being this way.
• Avoid begging for anything. There is no harm in asking him occasionally for help, for extra time together, and for indications of your future direction together. It becomes undesirable when you fall into asking constantly, begging him to do things with you or to spend more time with you. And it's worse if you put on a turn, cry, and generally act miserable. Just don't do it!
4) Shape up your own time. Instead of feeling mopey and clingy, see this as a great opportunity to occupy yourself with a range of things to do and friends to meet up with. Rediscover or uncover a hobby, new or old friends, and activities. Become more involved in your career direction and perhaps think about improving your chances of getting a promotion. Get some purpose back into your life that allows you to grow and exist apart from your boyfriend, and to be able to prove to him that you're capable on your own, which will reassure him more than anything else that you're not going to suffocate him.
• Get outdoors and do some fun activities. Long walks, hikes, climbing, swimming, sailing, etc., will improve your mood considerably.
• If you feel as if you've lost yourself when he asks for space, this is a good indication that you need the space as much as he does. Spend some time contemplating, reflecting, and even meditating. If you're not sure about what direction you're taking in life, or what you really care about beyond your boyfriend, use this time to do some deep thinking.
• Realize and embrace the power of showing that you have a life of your own.
5) Be patient. If you both want the relationship to succeed at a gradual pace, then love the space for the chances it provides you both. Take time to discover each other and yourselves rather than always trying to please one another or set one another off when things don't fall into place as you'd like. When you allow your boyfriend the space to think, to do the things he loves, and to be with his mates, he'll start missing you soon enough and wanting you by his side again.
6) Respect his choices and his freedom. The more respect and freedom you give your boyfriend, the more he'll come to you, because you'll be someone who doesn't make demands on him. Nobody likes demands, and guys are especially uncomfortable when they feel the pressure of romantic demands. Such pressure can push them away from people pushing the demands on them. On the other hand, if a guy can spend time with someone who loves him for who he is, and just lets him be himself with no conditions or demands placed on him, he'll absolutely love you. Love unconditionally, which simply means: set no conditions!
7) Be his best friend. Listen when he talks and don't comment until he's done talking. When you do comment, be positive and supportive. Don't criticize or judge – if you feel you need to do that, think very carefully about why you want to be with him. Be his buddy, make him feel at ease and comfortable with you. He'll soon start pouring out all of his thoughts and feelings, not just about his life and other people, but he'll soon begin to uncover his true feelings for you as well. Why? Because he feels safe and comfortable again to do so.
8) Change your own bad habits. If you have any bad habits you know he doesn't like (like whining, clinging, gossiping, etc.), seek to change them. And prove to him you are changed. He may test you, so give him time – his new trust won't come fast, so you need to be patient and consistent. Always remember, people do change once they make up their mind to do so, which means so can you!
9) Don't give your boyfriend space as a ruse just to manipulate him and then try to seek to control him again. Do it because you want to change the way you approach your relationship together and because you love him and trust that this is the right thing for your relationship at this point. When you approach the space issue with the right mindset of broadening your own life experiences and respecting his time to do the same, you'll be more confident and independent no matter what the final outcome.
10) Relax and be the girl he fell in love with. Be happy and carefree, learn to love yourself as much as you love him, and find constructive ways to share time together and apart. Once you've got the balance sorted, you'll never look back.
A healthy relationship will always benefit from giving each other space, and never more so than when you feel that your boyfriend is champing at the bit to be "released" a little more often to just be by himself or to spend time with his mates. If you're finding it challenging to let go even though the relationship's becoming a bit too much to handle, it's a sign that now more than ever, you do need to learn to give him his space. Here are some suggestions to help you.
1) Reach a decision that it's alright to give your boyfriend space.
The sooner you accept that giving one another space is normal, healthy, and indeed necessary for a flourishing relationship, the better for the both of you. If things have been reaching breakpoint in your relationship, try letting the situation go for a while. Stop wanting to control what he's doing, and stop worrying and being frustrated about what you're not getting out of the relationship. Instead, just relax in the present moment. By letting things be, they often have a way of fixing themselves on their own.
• Realize that your boyfriend is more likely to want to break up with you if you keep breathing down his neck than if you give him the space he craves.
• Don't assume the worst when he asks for space; if he still gives signs of caring about you and wanting to see you now and then, take it at face value that he really does need space. Perhaps he's stressed from a heavy workload, or snowed under with exam studies. Try to look for the actual reasons beyond yourself.
• Trust. Trust that your love will blossom with space, rather than wither. Part of this is about examining your own motives for being with him – if it's just love, you'll unearth this trust. But if it's security, money, prestige, or some other non-love reason you're with him for, now is a good time to re-examine your purpose in the relationship.
2) Ask questions to clarify what's going on. Without appearing paranoid or overly emotional, be forthright in asking your boyfriend what he sees as being given space, and how much time he's contemplating. Is he wanting a few days or weeks now, or does he want this to be a permanent arrangement, such as having every Saturday to himself? This can help to reassure you that he has sound reasons for wanting space that don't involve breaking up with you, and it gives both of you some solid ground to work out the duration or precise times you won't be turning up in his life.
• This is a good opportunity for you to also outline the space you'd like too. Don't be bratty about it; simply think of genuine reasons what you'd like, such as Friday nights free to spend with your girlfriends!
3) Sort something out amicably. At this stage, it's vital that you don't come across as needy, petulant, or terrified of losing him. Whatever you do, do not walk off in a huff or throw a fit. Both reactions are calculated to have him retreat even further into his shell and feel justified for wanting even more space! Instead, visualize yourself as a person negotiating something that is perfectly reasonable, then go ahead and negotiate it without appearing too down.
• Don't look like you need him. It's absolutely vital that you show you're not needy, clingy, or desperate for someone else to complete you. Remind yourself that you're your own strong, confident, and independent woman. You don't need him to ensure your peace and happiness. A strong and confident woman with a sense of her own purpose in life is extremely attractive to guys, so you'll be doing both of you a favor by being this way.
• Avoid begging for anything. There is no harm in asking him occasionally for help, for extra time together, and for indications of your future direction together. It becomes undesirable when you fall into asking constantly, begging him to do things with you or to spend more time with you. And it's worse if you put on a turn, cry, and generally act miserable. Just don't do it!
4) Shape up your own time. Instead of feeling mopey and clingy, see this as a great opportunity to occupy yourself with a range of things to do and friends to meet up with. Rediscover or uncover a hobby, new or old friends, and activities. Become more involved in your career direction and perhaps think about improving your chances of getting a promotion. Get some purpose back into your life that allows you to grow and exist apart from your boyfriend, and to be able to prove to him that you're capable on your own, which will reassure him more than anything else that you're not going to suffocate him.
• Get outdoors and do some fun activities. Long walks, hikes, climbing, swimming, sailing, etc., will improve your mood considerably.
• If you feel as if you've lost yourself when he asks for space, this is a good indication that you need the space as much as he does. Spend some time contemplating, reflecting, and even meditating. If you're not sure about what direction you're taking in life, or what you really care about beyond your boyfriend, use this time to do some deep thinking.
• Realize and embrace the power of showing that you have a life of your own.
5) Be patient. If you both want the relationship to succeed at a gradual pace, then love the space for the chances it provides you both. Take time to discover each other and yourselves rather than always trying to please one another or set one another off when things don't fall into place as you'd like. When you allow your boyfriend the space to think, to do the things he loves, and to be with his mates, he'll start missing you soon enough and wanting you by his side again.
6) Respect his choices and his freedom. The more respect and freedom you give your boyfriend, the more he'll come to you, because you'll be someone who doesn't make demands on him. Nobody likes demands, and guys are especially uncomfortable when they feel the pressure of romantic demands. Such pressure can push them away from people pushing the demands on them. On the other hand, if a guy can spend time with someone who loves him for who he is, and just lets him be himself with no conditions or demands placed on him, he'll absolutely love you. Love unconditionally, which simply means: set no conditions!
7) Be his best friend. Listen when he talks and don't comment until he's done talking. When you do comment, be positive and supportive. Don't criticize or judge – if you feel you need to do that, think very carefully about why you want to be with him. Be his buddy, make him feel at ease and comfortable with you. He'll soon start pouring out all of his thoughts and feelings, not just about his life and other people, but he'll soon begin to uncover his true feelings for you as well. Why? Because he feels safe and comfortable again to do so.
8) Change your own bad habits. If you have any bad habits you know he doesn't like (like whining, clinging, gossiping, etc.), seek to change them. And prove to him you are changed. He may test you, so give him time – his new trust won't come fast, so you need to be patient and consistent. Always remember, people do change once they make up their mind to do so, which means so can you!
9) Don't give your boyfriend space as a ruse just to manipulate him and then try to seek to control him again. Do it because you want to change the way you approach your relationship together and because you love him and trust that this is the right thing for your relationship at this point. When you approach the space issue with the right mindset of broadening your own life experiences and respecting his time to do the same, you'll be more confident and independent no matter what the final outcome.
10) Relax and be the girl he fell in love with. Be happy and carefree, learn to love yourself as much as you love him, and find constructive ways to share time together and apart. Once you've got the balance sorted, you'll never look back.
Sunday, June 08, 2014
How can you avoid the mistakes of past relationships? How can you maintain your sense of yourself within a new relationship? What do men really want in a partner ?
1. To avoid the mistakes of past relationships, you need to get clear on the patterns and the lessons they brought you. To help you get clear, try this exercise.
Take a piece of paper, and across the top write the names of the last three men with whom you’ve had significant romantic relationships. Underneath their name, write a list of the reasons you were attracted to them when you first met. Underneath that list, write a list of the reasons why the relationship ended. (This exercise is adapted from Hindsight by Maryanne Comaroto.) Look for similarities in the relationships to find clues about your romantic patterns.
Are you attracted to successful, flashy men who treat you with disrespect? Maybe you’re attracted to nice guys who end up boring you to tears. Whatever it is, see if you can figure out your romantic pattern. Once you see the pattern, you can figure out the lesson. The lesson is typically found when you say, “I’ll never let that happen to me again.”
Whatever “that” is for you is your lesson. If you haven’t had that epiphany yet, ask yourself this: “what do I feel when I’m first with a new partner? How can I give that same feeling to myself?”
2. Most relationships fail, or at least flounder into tedium, because the partners lose their sense of identity outside the relationship.
Women identify with who they are as a lover, wife, and mother and forget who they are as an individual. To avoid this in your next relationship, be sure to maintain excellent contact with your friends, and encourage your man to do the same. Spend time with your friends at least once a week.
When you meet his friends, look for common ground so that you’ll feel comfortable encouraging him to hang out with them. Introduce him to your friends to lessen the “either/or” dynamic that tends to happen with new romance. And be sure to make time each week for your favorite activity, even if he doesn’t share your enthusiasm. It’s absolutely fine for you to have separate interests; in fact, it’s very healthy.
3. Laugh together. Laughter is one of the very best indicators of relationship health and longevity.
Don’t be afraid to poke gentle fun at your man, and learn how to take a joke at your expense occasionally. Humor, when done right, bolsters people up. It doesn’t hurt or cut people down, so when you make fun of something, make fun of a situation rather than a character flaw.
4. Confidence is a huge turn on for men.
When a man asks, for example, where you want to go for dinner, have an opinion. I know as women we want our man to make decisions and have opinions, but I’ll let you in on a secret: They would love to have their woman take the reins once in awhile. It’s a lot of work for them to always take the lead.
The same goes for sex: guys go wild for a woman who’s willing to take the initiative once in awhile. And seriously, a little goes a long way! If you take the lead and start undressing your man, he’ll have food for his imagination for weeks to come.
5. Enthusiasm and confidence go hand in hand.
A confident, negative woman is a ball-buster. A confident, enthusiastic woman is absolutely irresistible. That’s not to say you can never have a bad day, but your ratio of positive to negative comments should be at least ten to one.
This rule will serve you well in every relationship, not just romantic ones. Men are linear thinkers. If you have enthusiasm for your job, or for a movie you just saw, they will project that out to enthusiasm for the relationship, and for sex … and they like that.
Do you know what all happy and healthy marriages have in common? In every one of them you will find two people committed to making each other happy. You will find a man who cherishes his wife and puts her needs above his own, and you will find a wife who respects and trusts her man. We live in very selfish times. Pop-psychology messages are everywhere in the media encouraging us to love ourselves, do right by ourselves, and generally please ourselves first. If you really want a happy marriage, don't buy into that type of self-centered thinking. Instead, try these ten time-tested techniques and experience the happiness, peace, and tranquility of a healthy marriage.
1. Make time for each other. It's so easy in our hyper-busy modern lifestyles to forget to set aside a little time to enjoy each other's company. Start a weekly tradition of setting a date for the two of you to be together doing something you both enjoy. Keep it simple. Take a nice walk together. Sip coffee together in a cozy coffeehouse. Talk to each other, reminisce, and get to know each other again.
2. Take time off from each other. Give each other space and time to work on hobbies and personal interests. When you have an interesting project to work on, you will feel more fulfilled and you will be a more interesting person.
3. Make little romantic gestures. Remember to compliment your spouse. Leave a little love note for them to find once in awhile. Celebrate the day you first met. Send flowers for no particular reason. You should continuously make little deposits in your spouse's emotional bank account. The return on your investment will be incredible.
4. Fight fair. Don't argue in front of other people. Don't insult each other or each other's families. Never threaten divorce, and never go to bed angry. Let the little things go, and don't make a big deal out of every disagreement. Before arguing, think; is this really going to matter in the long run?
5. Take interest in what interests your spouse. Watch their favorite shows with them. Read their favorite book, so you can talk about it with them. Encourage them to develop their talents.
6. Listen to your spouse. Husbands, remember that women need to express their feelings. Be a good sport and just listen. Don't interrupt or get distracted. Empathize with her. Let her know that you can relate to what she's feeling. Ladies, please remember that the kind of talk you might like to have with your husband does not come naturally to most men. Just be patient. It's not a good idea to "unload" on him right when he comes home from work.
7. Accept your spouse for who they are. Practice total acceptance. Don't hold your spouse to your expectations; you will only succeed at building resentment.
8. Express your commitment. In little ways, you can, and should, renew your vows to each other over and over. Your spouse will feel comfortable and secure knowing that you are truly committed to the marriage. True closeness will only happen when all doubt and insecurity is replaced by confidence in the relationship. Let your spouse know that you really are in it "till death do us part."
9. Trust in each other. Don't be suspicious. Don't snoop through each other's belongings. To help ensure the trust, be honest with your spouse in all things. Never keep secrets from each other, not even little ones.
10. Make it your aim to be your spouse's best friend. Appreciate your spouse for who they are. Loosen up and have fun with each other. If you are practicing the steps above, you are on your way to being your spouse's best friend the ultimate relationship in marriage.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Forgiving your previous partner (all partners) is absolutely key to healing your heart and being able to attract a healthy partner in the future. People who do not forgive and heal end up unwittingly making similar choices in their next relationship, experiencing deja-vu, and asking, “How did this happen to me again?”
More than anything else, the inability to forgive destroys the one who holds the grudge, keeping the person stuck in a pattern of negativity and resentment. Remember that when you are loving and forgiving, the world will always give you that in return. If we consider that our partners did the best they could with where they are and the tools they have, and if we accept radical responsibility for everything that we attract in our lives, we realize there is nothing to forgive.
The Laws of Attraction tell us that we are the creators of our reality. So what we need to do is ask why we attracted this experience and what our soul needs to learn from it. From here, we can even move into gratefulness for this partner who has been our sacred mirror and teacher.
It's important, then, when a relationship ends to take that time to go inside. Don't keep yourself overly busy to avoid feeling the pain or focusing on angry feelings for the former partner. Instead, take some time to reflect on yourself. Ask God, the Universe, or your Higher Self to help you stay in your heart during this grieving process.
It is important to let yourself grieve, to cry if you need to. But don’t indulge indefinitely; give yourself a time limit and do not get lost in grief. You want to get to a place where you can honor and appreciate the gifts you received and release all negative thoughts and emotions about the partner or relationship.
If you stay in your heart, you can be grateful for the love that was shared, for all the joy and wonder that your relationship has given you and that can never be erased. Allow the memories of the gifts you received to ease your pain and open your heart even more. Know that love is always a gift. From your heart, think about why you attracted this partner and meditate or pray for guidance in understanding the lessons that your soul needed to learn in the relationship and in the ending of it. Once you understand without any negativity in your heart, you will to be free for greater love and passion.
Use this process to grow and to ask yourself how you can be a better partner in your next relationship—and that may include attracting a more appropriate partner.
Be very honest in your reflections. Maybe the truth is that you knew from the beginning this wasn’t the right person for you. Maybe there were red flags you ignored. Maybe you realize you were taking your partner for granted. Whatever the truths are, acknowledge them and learn from them.
Discard the illusions of victims and blame, and allow yourself to see the truth and learn. If you can learn from this, then your sadness will fade away and be replaced with gratitude for the gifts and growth you received.
Once you have worked through any negativity, taken responsibility and are in a place of gratitude, begin to think about the love that you wish to draw into your life in the future. Even though you may not feel ready for a new relationship now, focusing on this while your heart is open can be very helpful.
So take some time to envision the relationship that fills your heart’s deepest longing. Feel now a sense of knowing that when it is time, when you are ready, you will attract this partner to you. If you keep an open heart and realize the truth that there is nothing to forgive and only gratitude to hold on to, you will grow and learn, rather than making same mistakes again. And you will be ready to attract the perfect partner the next time around.
More than anything else, the inability to forgive destroys the one who holds the grudge, keeping the person stuck in a pattern of negativity and resentment. Remember that when you are loving and forgiving, the world will always give you that in return. If we consider that our partners did the best they could with where they are and the tools they have, and if we accept radical responsibility for everything that we attract in our lives, we realize there is nothing to forgive.
The Laws of Attraction tell us that we are the creators of our reality. So what we need to do is ask why we attracted this experience and what our soul needs to learn from it. From here, we can even move into gratefulness for this partner who has been our sacred mirror and teacher.
It's important, then, when a relationship ends to take that time to go inside. Don't keep yourself overly busy to avoid feeling the pain or focusing on angry feelings for the former partner. Instead, take some time to reflect on yourself. Ask God, the Universe, or your Higher Self to help you stay in your heart during this grieving process.
It is important to let yourself grieve, to cry if you need to. But don’t indulge indefinitely; give yourself a time limit and do not get lost in grief. You want to get to a place where you can honor and appreciate the gifts you received and release all negative thoughts and emotions about the partner or relationship.
If you stay in your heart, you can be grateful for the love that was shared, for all the joy and wonder that your relationship has given you and that can never be erased. Allow the memories of the gifts you received to ease your pain and open your heart even more. Know that love is always a gift. From your heart, think about why you attracted this partner and meditate or pray for guidance in understanding the lessons that your soul needed to learn in the relationship and in the ending of it. Once you understand without any negativity in your heart, you will to be free for greater love and passion.
Use this process to grow and to ask yourself how you can be a better partner in your next relationship—and that may include attracting a more appropriate partner.
Be very honest in your reflections. Maybe the truth is that you knew from the beginning this wasn’t the right person for you. Maybe there were red flags you ignored. Maybe you realize you were taking your partner for granted. Whatever the truths are, acknowledge them and learn from them.
Discard the illusions of victims and blame, and allow yourself to see the truth and learn. If you can learn from this, then your sadness will fade away and be replaced with gratitude for the gifts and growth you received.
Once you have worked through any negativity, taken responsibility and are in a place of gratitude, begin to think about the love that you wish to draw into your life in the future. Even though you may not feel ready for a new relationship now, focusing on this while your heart is open can be very helpful.
So take some time to envision the relationship that fills your heart’s deepest longing. Feel now a sense of knowing that when it is time, when you are ready, you will attract this partner to you. If you keep an open heart and realize the truth that there is nothing to forgive and only gratitude to hold on to, you will grow and learn, rather than making same mistakes again. And you will be ready to attract the perfect partner the next time around.